batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
