I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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