I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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