Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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