the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
