he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
