one might say we're banned from that church
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
