I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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