How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize