he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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