I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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