I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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