my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She said her name was "party"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
