you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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