I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
