I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
