so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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