All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize