have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
