i love accidental penises.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
