A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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