Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it's like heaven, but drunker
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
