when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
