so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
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