my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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