she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize