is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
