I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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