I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
