I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
