you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
