Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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