Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
