my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
