My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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