My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
there is glitter all over my balls
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