I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
