omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
