Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
