New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I need to calm my uterus...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
