apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize