So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
