I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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