I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize