i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
