your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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