This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize