i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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