I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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