Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
