mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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