hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
