and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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