Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
