Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
