I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
