I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
