I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
