Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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