happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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