dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
