She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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