My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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