Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
