Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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