Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize