Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
