I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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