I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
