a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
