it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize