I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
