what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
