I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
