the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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