is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize