is this the sara with the beer cane?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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