I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
