I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
