I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
