i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize