She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
birth control should be required to get into college
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
