Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
