All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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