I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
