I puked a lego.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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