Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
