Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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